Tuesday, February 2, 2010


So far it's been a year of reevaluation. In attempts to make this year better than the last, I have to look in the rear view, if only for a moment. More often than not, I find myself getting stuck in the past. I love it, it is safety, it's comfort. I've learned it's ok to look in the rear view as long as you continue to steam forward simultaneously-Focus on the road ahead. Corny? Of course but it's my code. Which brings me to my next point, ME.

I feel like I'm awfully self absorbed. Maybe it's this blog, maybe it's being single, a coping mechanism, a combination? Perhaps. I'm not sure how to remedy this, remove "I" from my vocabulary? HALP!

Ok, so a little shift, music. I've been listening to a variety of tunes and one that I have not heard since my childhood keeps reoccurring. This is one atypical, Black Sabbath ditty and it happens to be the only one I can withstand.

Proof that you should never discount the 'B-side.' This song rings in my ears, especially when I jump in the shower. I'm making no relationship just noting consistency. To sum it up, I'm seeking, I'll never find it and it's alright. It's like receiving a hug from my Nana. I've been seeking solace from all corners. I also found it yesterday in my horoscope:

This horoscope borrows from one of my favorite Sagittarian visionaries, Jonathan Zap. The advice he gives below, which is in accordance with your astrological omens, is designed to help you avoid the fate he warns against. Here it is: "Many of the significant problems in our lives are more about recognizing the obvious rather than discovering the mysterious or hidden. One of the classic ways we deceive and hide from ourselves is by refusing to recognize the obvious, and shrouding what is right before us in rationalization and false complexity. We often delay and deny necessary transformation by claiming that there is a mysterious answer hidden from us, when actually we know the answers but pretend that we don't." (More at bit.ly/ZapOracle and Zaporacle.com.)

I found it this morning the book I've been reading:
"When we cannot possess the thought of past cultures, we possess their 'things.'" (Ellen Meloy, The Anthropology of Turquoise)

And, I drew it out last night after I found a stopping point:
Totem poles. I've been thinking a lot about totem poles. Since I've been on a kick about reiterating my past, I decided to combine inspiration from the book and icons of my past and future. These are my totems (for now). They will always remain ever-changing, it's life. I've learned that my constant battle with balance, motion and obsession is not just a phase. I have to learn to accept it and that's why I value my friends now more than ever. They put up with my shit. Thanks. If you've made it thus far, you're a dandy! I owe you, how about a cup of tea?

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