Saturday, April 17, 2010

Professora Zorn

Someday. Hopefully in about three years that will be my title. Yesterday, I made a trip to TU to meet the printmaking professor and my future mentor, Michelle Martin. Still a little weary about giving up some recent opportunities here, I figured our meeting would help me determine if this is the appropriate time to take these risk. Low-and-behold, I was sold! I'm ready, she was easy going but with edge and discipline. She's a straight shooter. I look forward to jumping head first into the unknown, lithography! SCARY!It was a trip of magnificent proportion. I hit 50,000 miles,arrived in Tulsa as she was crying tears of joy. Joyful of my three year commitment to her.

In the next couple of days, as I dish out refusals, I'll feel the burn of commitment. I'm stressed. I can't sleep. I woke up at 5:30 am this morning, my stomach knotted,mind racing. I've talked it out with several people and I'm going to write it down here. I know it's my life, but, for the first time, I'm seeking approval. Those that know the entire situation and weight of my decision look at me like I'm insane when I tell them it's grad. school.

First of all, I've never really had clear, career ambitions. At 24, who does? In youth, it's hard to buy into a 35 year commitment. For an instant, I thought it was law school, politics, IT, but I've finally accepted I must wake up to a creative career. I've forgotten about making six figures. All I really need is the ability travel around on the weekends, drinking good coffee, and eating cupcakes, seeing the world. Experience. That's it. Just enough funds to explore a bit. I want to be a professor. I want to teach art. Preferably printmaking but really, just anything that involves creating. It's one of the hardest decisions I've had to make, seeking an end goal feels a little like giving up. Ideally, I'd like the life of a drifter, it's romantic but in reality it's a life of hardships. Hand me a steady pay check, a studio, some students and a retirement fund, I'm there. If only it were that easy. Faculty jobs are few and far between in art school. Drifter or not, I'm in for many struggles. Stiff competition, politics, tenure, DEBT, just thinking about it makes me want to pull out.

"NO!" It's time to grow up, harness my passion and hope the burdens don't outweigh the effort/risk. I'm going to be jumping through rings of fire for awhile. I have no practice. I'm leaving my support system against their advice and I'm worried. The last huge decision I made felt as though my world was crashing down. Turns out, I made the right decision. I'm happier and I'd like to think that this decision will also have a positive return. In the midst of summer, I have lots of ducks to align, I'll have to sacrifice playtime to make sure to approach this responsibly. Send me some good karma, chi, hugs,prayers, do what you do, wish me luck!