Monday, August 31, 2009
I used to be a confrontational person. These days I try to refrain. I figure a word or two unspoken is worth thousands so why waste my breath. Plus, I find myself speaking just for the sake of speaking and who wants to spend life blabbering (or listening to it)? I have noticed that this new-found attitude has me ducking and dodging all the time. Which is worse: being upfront and possibly(mostly) hurtful or avoiding the situation all together? Under normal circumstances I would chose the former but I'm trying my best to be a better person so I flee. I run from people, emails, lengthy conversations, smiles from cute boys, and homework (had to throw that last one in just b/c I'm currently procrastinating). What the hell is wrong with me? I guess I'm just following that pearl of wisdom mothers so often spout off, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?" I found this self portrait in the back of my studio closet yesterday. It's from one of my beginning drawing classes. I remember when I drew it. I thought it was the best in class, of course. Now I look at it and think,"'wow, that girl has a pig nose!" and "those eyes, they're WAY out of proportion!" It's funny how we change. I can look back and realize my mistakes but sometimes I think it would be nice to go back and just live in ignorance or arrogance. I wasn't such an asshole back then was I? If I was I didn't care...Again, which is worse? Balance, balance!